Wake up at 3:22 am to the sound of a dog howling. Get her calmed down.
4:00, decide sleep was no longer an option. Boot up computer to goof off. Hear a wet farting sound behind me to see a dog having a diarrheal episode. Throw her outside, where she has more and then wipes her butt on the grass. Turn around to realize that I've locked myself out of the house. Get into the garage, banging leg against lawnmower. Find the lightswitch so I can find the #$%&^%^^*$##$@$$%&^% key.
Let myself back into the house and let the dog back in. Gather supplies to clean up living room. Enter living room to find our dipshit lab trying to EAT the mess. Start yelling and wake the husband up (again). I'm dry heaving as I'm cleaning up the mess. He takes over. I go into kitchen to find coffee.
At 7 am, decide that dozing sounds like a great idea...The newest dog jumps into bed. Fine. Until she pees on the bedspread. FML.
By this time, I've decided that I'm just going to sleep on OB from now on.