Senseless

IUFDs after the age of viability.

Preemies who are going to be gorked thanks to their mothers' drug habits.

Teens shot at the bus stop.

Son/brother/nephew/cousin of my coworkers/friends/patients dead.

God, I hate open-casket viewings.

You know you are a PITA

When the ER doc, upon getting through to me says "She's driving us all nuts."

Yes, we will see her tomorrow. But all of her issues are supratentorial, so we won't be able to help much. :(

How to make the answering service drone laugh.

Cell phone goes off. It's around 8 pm (thank goodness). Caller ID reveals the ever dreaded answering service.

"Hello?"

"Hello doctor. This is Dawn at the call center. I have a call for you."

"OK."

"Patient Ida Dunce calls stating her period started today..."

"Why the hell do I care?!" interrupting her spiel on the reason for the call. She started laughing.

"I don't know. Do you want me to connect her?"

"Not really, but go ahead."

I only wish some of these stories were made up, but I'm not that good of a storyteller.

My family has superpowers

My mom and sister have the superpower to call exactly 10 minutes after I have laid down for the first time in 40+ hours. It's inevitable. It happened yesterday. Again. And then they get irritated with me for not being spritely and willing to talk.

My kids have the superpower to whine exactly when I am on my last ounce of reserve from dealing with needy people and the generalized craziness of my life right now.

My husband has the superpower to always make me feel better, even when my world is crashing.

I like the last superpower the best. ;)

New quote of the day

So I'm getting ready to pap a lady, who isn't too keen on me being down there. Actually, she's terrified. So she asks me to talk while I'm examining her to distract her.

Me : "I'm really good at talking to butts."

We both burst out laughing.

Happy Time-Out Day!

So said the signs posted about the doc's lounge in the OR.

Bleah.

I had a pre-op nurse ask me today if I wanted to mark the patient. "No" was my answer...I was doing a D&C and didn't think marking the cervix would be a good idea in the pre-op area. Hell, I probably couldn't SEE it in the pre-op area!

One of these days, I'm going to mark an abdomen (pre-laparoscopy) with the words : Camera here, dipshit. I told this to our hospital's risk manager and after her laughter died down, she told me to stop being difficult.

Now, I think timeouts are a good idea to remind us what we are doing. However, the new craze of MARKING every single incision is insane. Every surgery is unique. I should be able to reserve the right to THINK and ACT on the basis of my skills, knowledge, and unique factors any patient may bring to the table. The majority of my cases are laparoscopies. Sometimes I need 2 incisions. Sometimes 3. Bad cases get 4. I've done tubal ligations where I couldn't place the usual suprapubic port...it ended up being a left-sided port due to her uterus being scarred to the anterior abdominal wall. I changed my surgery intraoperatively from my usual way to something unusual.

Now, I'm not against marking incisions in cases where laterality/location is important. When I choose to get my knee fixed, I damn well want the RIGHT knee (literally and figuratively) operated upon. Neuro better operate on the correct level. But in cases like laparoscopies, c-sections, or where you're doing the same thing to both sides (ie, bilateral tubal ligation, tubes in ears, tonsilectomies...) does it truly help to mark? Or is it yet another blip on the computer to mark off?

I'm threatening a true temper tantrum if they start requiring marking the incision site for c-sections...

Enough!

My 3rd ectopic in less than 2 months.

Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Implant in the correct place, dammit!