Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 in review

Only a few hours left in the year. Time to reflect, meditate, grow.

Has not been a good year. I tried to write my annual Christmas was a real downer so I didn't print it out to include in the cards I sent out.

I am grateful for a wonderful husband. He and I are opposites in personality, but we mesh well together. He has truly lived up to his vows 11 years ago and I love him all the more for that. He is my best friend and we make the other better.

I love my two kids. I am blessed with healthy kids. They are great fun to be with. Parenting truly is my hardest and most important job.

I have terrific friends. Went out last night karokeing with several. They are great for venting upon and making me laugh when I need it.

I do love my job. I can't imagine doing anything in medicine other than OB-Gyn. It's just who I am. I am grateful that the hospital supports the clinic so I can focus on the medicine part.

I have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, the ability to walk without crutches, and dogs running underfoot. I need to stop being such an Eeyore and focus on what's right, instead of what's not.

May all of you have a healthy and happy 2010.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


So I'm out with the girl, shopping for her brother's birthday presents. We stop to eat at a small Indian joint, where she is truly a pleasure to be with. We chatted and ate. Good food, good company. It's a nice way to spend a day. Plus she's the only one who will eat Indian food with me, so we find excuses for "girls' dates" frequently.

Afterwards, the waitress came up to us and complimented her on how well-behaved and mature she acted. The waitress was surprised to hear that she was 9, she thought DD was a 12 year old.

Dear Son

If Mom is in bed with her eyes closed, there is NO need to poke her and ask "Mom are you sleeping?"


Monday, December 28, 2009


There's a lot of it in medicine. I'm a relatively young doc, but even I'm starting to have quite the collection of cases that make you shake your head in amazement. And in rural BFE, support staff may or may not be available (we just got an interventional radiologist a couple of months ago) so it's on us. And if the patient isn't stable, I'm not shipping out...

I had the rep as a resident as a "shit-magnet". One day, as we were scrubbing into a true crash section, the attending looked at me and said "Jonesy, you really ARE a shit magnet!!!"

Some people walk out of the hospital when they should not have. I have had cases where 19 units of PRBCs ended up being transfused after a standard vaginal delivery. Aortic dissections in pregnancy are NOT a good thing...the CV surgeon looked panicked when he realized about the viable fetus. Hell, on that one I pointed out I can get the kid out in 30 seconds, it was his part that could kill her.

Blown ectopics with liters of blood in the belly. "Where is the tube?" is going through my mind as I'm pulling out clot after clot to try to see down in the pelvis.

A vaginal laceration can be deadly...or at least close. Had one in residency where the woman's partner was wearing a chunky ring that gave her quite the tear...had to repair it in the OR at 3 am. The attending was less than happy to be called in for that. Vaginal mucosa has an abundant blood supply and she ended up needing several units of blood. The attending that was called in then related another story about when he was a resident and had a similar case.

Term demises. Really hate them. Nothing good about them. And most of the time there is no explaination.

Many times, skill creates luck, but there have been many a time where just sheer good luck has prevailed for me. OB is lucky, our patients are young and can withstand a bigger insult than an older, less healthy patient. Sometime, though, my luck will run out. Law of averages.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas morning...

7:01 A.M. I am greeted with a slurp from a dog, a girl telling me that it's after 7:00 just like I told them and a little boy singing "It's Christmas, it's Christmas, it's time to open presents!" over and over again until I start moving.

7:10 A.M. Fist cup of coffee is being drunk.

7:11 A.M. Presents start being opened.

7:47 A.M. Presents are all opened.

8:30 A.M. Homemade donuts are being devoured.

8:45 A.M. Laughter from the note Santa left:

Dear Kids,

Thank-you very much for leaving out the plate of goodies. The gingerbread men looked very tasty. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to eat one of them myself. Mrs. Claus has been telling me that I'm becoming just a bit too much of a jolly old elf myself, so I'm afraid it's just carrots and skim milk for me.

Dasher and Dancer, however, are very partial to gingerbread men and they tell me that they were delicious. Rudolf wanted one too, but they make him gassy and I've still got to ride behind him for the rest of the night, if you take my meaning. Tell your mother that the reindeer said "thank-you" for baking the cookies.

Yes, we're a bit warped.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


9+ hours is a loooooonnnnnngggggg time to be in the OR. Mom seems to be OK, but talking to her is frustrating - she's very hard of hearing, and misunderstands phone conversations constantly. Plus she's still on a Dilaudid PCA, so she's loopy too.

Did you know Santa has a cell phone? It's how I threatened my kids into behaving today. ;)

Who in the HELL wants their hip replaced today? Yes, it was on the OR schedule! I saw it when I went in to do an ectopic from the ER.

Couldn't get everyone discharged today, so I'll have to round tomorrow. Grumble.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Mom's surgery was scheduled at 2 pm today...and she was wheeled back at 2:10. She's still in the OR, which is one long fricken time. Hope the surgeon has a foley in him! ;)

DH is up in Michigan, texting me updates. Last one was about an hour ago.

At least this call night is being kind to me...(tempting the call gods, but, oh,well).

How NOT to start off your Monday...

1. Run late because you kept hitting snooze.

2. Get rear-ended on the way into the hospital to round.

3. By the CEO of the hospital.

2009 can't end fast enough. :) I'm fine and so is my car.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Kids and their funny statements, part umpteenth

So my 5 year old boy was sitting in my lap the other night when he let one rip. Loud and stinky.

I looked at him and asked him "What do you say?"

And he looked at me with these big blue eyes wide open and said "I didn't do it! Mr. Bear did it!"

"Mr. Bear is upstairs in your room."

"Mr. Bear farts really loudly."

I couldn't help laughing.

Friday, December 18, 2009

More crappiness

So Mom was scheduled for surgery earlier this month. It got postponed due to scheduling issues with the surgeon until today. Fine, whatever. I can understand.

So she does the Mag Citrate prep yesterday for surgery today. She is scheduled to be the 1 pm case. I manage to get coverage and my sister, BIL, DH, and me are all there for the 12:30 I remark that since she's not in pre-op yet, there's no way it's running on time. At 2:30, we ask why she isn't in pre-op yet and are told that her case is now scheduled for 4:50 pm. At 3:15, we find out the surgeon has canceled it due to the previous case is still going on and he doesn't know how much longer it will take. It is rescheduled for next week Tuesday...I'm on call and doubt that I can arrange coverage on such short notice. DH is on winter break and will be there, but the rest of us have to work.

She will be in-house over the holiday...assuming it goes THIS time. I am on call for Christmas weekend.


Monday, December 14, 2009

Kids say the darndest things, part 2

So we live in rural America, in a super-conservative area. I am a social liberal. I can cloak well, as can DH.

So today, we get a Christmas card machine-signed by the Obamas. We show this to our 9 year old and boy, oh, boy is she IMPRESSED. As in her jaw is wide open and she thinks that we are the bomb to get a card from the White House. I point out that we are probably the only people in the county to get one of these. DH starts laughing. The girl asks "Why?"

I'm trying to explain liberal versus conservative political philosophies and failing miserably.

So she asks "Because people around here don't believe in democracy?"

Oh, kids sometimes nail it without even meaning to do so.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


I hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them.

They represent the worst thing about OB.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Bad day

Lets see..

A patient altered a script for post-op pain meds from a quantity of 30 to 80. Pharmacy called me and verified what I wrote. We use carbon copy scripts, so I have a copy of what I wrote in the chart. The police are now involved. She getting dismissed from my practice.

One NP in the office is pissed at me because I snapped at her when she walked into a room when I had the door shut and I was talking privately to my boss.

Another fetal demise.

My stupid knee hurts because I slipped on the ice. No, I am not going to tell ortho.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Good day

All patients today in the OR were thin and insured. My iPod was playing ABBA. All had real pathology that hopefully surgery will cure. Got out a 10 cm myoma through a 6 cm mini-lap incision. My longest case took 45 minutes.

And the PITA patient who (finally) was REALLY in labor last night, who had a quick and easy vag delivery told me this morning "That was easier than my first delivery when I was induced!"

And I'm now off call. Beer is opened. ;)

Monday, December 7, 2009

I am evil

So last week, 3 nurses at our clinic announced they were pregnant. All due at about the same time, which will make scheduling interesting this summer. Our office manager doesn't want to hear about pregnancy right now...
which is why I walked into her office today to tell her I was pregnant. She swatted me!

Evil laugh.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Kids say the damnedest things

At Oh-too-damn-early-in-the-morning the other day:

Poke. Poke. Poke.

One eye opens to see the boy. I grunt at him.

"My penis is stupid."

Both eyes open at this. "Huh?"

"My penis is stupid."


"It's sticking up and I don't want it to."

"Talk to your father."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Quote of the day

From my favorite anesthesiologist, who was in my room today. We were talking about med staff last night, and I mentioned that I lucked out and got called out.

"Yeah, I go to my 50% yearly."
"Me too" I replied. "Too many whiny doctors to deal with there."
"Most of them need to be on meds."

Couldn't disagree.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Quarterly med staff is tonight. Crap, I don't want to go.