Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The joy of coming back to work

I'm winning Press-Ganey over patient by patient.

No, I am NOT going to induce you at 33 weeks. Yes, I understand your back hurts. Yes, I know sleeping can be difficult. But no delivery. Nuh-nuh, no fucking way. Please go ahead and curse out my checkout staff. We love it when you do that.

No, there is no medical reason for me to place you on complete bed rest at 36 weeks. Yes, if your pregnancy is uncomplicated, I do expect you to work. And no, your complaints are typical late pregnancy complaints, there is no objective reason for you to be sitting on your ass. Thank-you for calling the patient advocate at the hospital and wasting 5 hours of my and my office manager and the VP of clinical care's time defending my medical decision making. Fuck you. And yes, if you wish to transfer, go ahead and sign the records release. They will be faxed so fast your head will spin. So sorry the hospital administration agreed with me.

Nope, not gonna prescribe percocet to you for back pain in your first trimester.

There's an old Twilight Zone episode about a guy who can see into the future and give you what you need. At first, it seems weird - a shoe or a pair of scissors. Who wants that? That is a part of my job - I should give you what you need, not necessarily what you want.

6 comments:

Lisa said...

Please tell me that no one really asked to be induced at 33 weeks. Seven plus weeks in a NICU is less fun than the last seven weeks of pregnancy. I threw a party when I hit 36 weeks with my one and only full term baby. She was born healthy three days later.

ER's Mom said...

You would be surprised at the crap people try to pull.

rural_obgyn said...

A nice description of a typical day in my practice, complete with cursing at the office staff...classy!

ER's Mom said...

I'm on my third practice since residency. Happened at every one, including my first one, the upscale frou-frou practice.

Anonymous said...

I begged to keep working when I got preeclampsia! I wanted to keep working and NOT be induced at 37 weeks! (I didn't get to do either by the way). I don't get people!

Kate said...

Oh my! Such an accurate description of a day in Ob clinic (well, the irritating parts of it at least!)

And, Lisa, you'd be shocked at how often women do not just ask but beg, pester, insist, eventually throw something akin to a tantrum to be induced at 33 weeks (or many other preterm gestation ages)...
It's when they are so determined to be delivered significantly preterm that they literally pee on me in an attempt to convince us that they have broken their waters and so should be delivered preterm that I really want to completely lose it. (& yes, this has actually happened to me...)