1. If you have been given information from your doctor, please oh PLEASE READ IT!!! I'm not killing trees for nothing here.
2. Do NOT have me paged at 3 am for information that is in the papers we give you. See rule number one.
3. Do not have me paged at 3 am for information that we have given you on the DAY YOU HAVE AN 8:00 APPOINTMENT WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See rules number one and two.
4. Since we live in a small town with no 24 hour pharmacy, I really don't need to be paged at 4 am about your bladder infection. Really. You won't be able to pick anything up before 9 am, so you might as well let me sleep until a reasonable hour.
5. If you call often enough that I know your home number, you might want to think about calling less often. It's bad when I ask the answering service "Is she at ABC-DEFG?" and the answer is "Yes."
6. Do not page me at midnight to let me know that your period has started. I don't care.
7. If you go to an urgent-care clinic, and the next week when I ask you why, please know the reason.
8. My fingers are likely smaller than a baby. Quit whining about checks.
9. No, pregnancy is NOT a reason to be off-work. I was pregnant when I was a resident, so quite frankly, I'm less than sympathetic.
10. Just because you're tired of being pregnant doesn't mean that I'll induce you when you show up at L&D for the 4th time this week. And why, oh why do you insist on showing up at 1 am?
Sad thing is, there are reasons why these rules exist. :) Heck, number 6 has even happened twice to me. :( Number ten, more times than I can count.