Waiting

So my mom (finally) got the CT-guided biopsy yesterday of her pelvic mass. I am willing to lay odds on an adenocarcinoma originating from the colon - she had a TAH/BSO back in the early 90s. I however, have not told her that. Yanking away hope seems unnecessarily cruel. She's already gone through a lot in the last 6 weeks. She's pissed that urology isn't too keen on stenting her ureter but is keeping her perc since it's working well.

And now we wait. Because of what I do, I know that pathology usually takes 3-4 business days to process, diagnose, and transcribe. Which means that the wait will probably last until after the weekend for her.

And if I'm right, we - meaning me, my sister, and my mom - will have to figure out what to do. I live a long drive away. I can't manage this via phone. I've been pushing for her to move in (ohdeargodwhatamIthinking!) with me - we have plenty of room.

I worry about my kids - my daughter's kidnergarten year was scarred by our caring for my father in home hospice (stage 4 lung). My son is that age now. DD remembers some. The boy was only 1 at the time, so he doesn't but he certainly would recall anything from now forward. I don't worry about them seeing the completion of the circle of life, but rather the fact that caring for someone very ill involves restricting other activities and paying attention to them.

It's tough - I've read about the "sandwich" generation - caring for kids and parents. I'm in a cage - caring for kids, parent, and patients. I've been ignoring me. I ran into ortho today at the hospital and he asked about my knee. I admitted that it was bad and I need to get into see him for the next step. I'm not sure when I have the time to do that!