Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Good patient quotes

So I'm with a patient who is pushing. One of her labor support persons was a woman I delivered a few months back. Now Megan (not her real name) was doing a great job pushing, and I'm saying my usual spiel of "Good job! You can do it" cheerleading her along.

Her friend chirps in "You're doing great!"

Megan replies " I hate you both. I know that she won't come out!"

Me, "No, really, you're doing great!"

Her friend "I thought you were lying when you told me that too. I woulda kicked you, except I couldn't move my legs."

Another patient, sans epidural. She's just starting to push when she tells me "I can't."

Me : " No such word as can't in this room."

Patient gives me the dirtiest look possible, then slowly, for emphasis says "I CANNOT do this."

Her mom and I just started laughing.

So I guess I'm a sadist too. ;)


Gert said...

In labor with my first kid circa 1980, I declared in all seriousness, "I don't want to do this, I am going home!".

I remember knowing how crazy that was. I totally believed I could just will the whole thing away and go home, but I also knew I couldn't. It was a bit surreal.

ER's Mom said...

I've decided that women who are pushing are frequently not in their right minds.

I remember accusing my OB of lying to me when she said I was doing a good job pushing for my first kid.

And looking back, for a first-time mom with an epidural, less than an hour IS pretty good. But when you are going through it, it hurts and it feels like it is taking forever!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

OB attending at my med school used to use the phrase "TPOP" (Transient Psychosis Of Pregnancy) for these moments.

"This is where the woman stands up in the stirrups, grabs her husband's lower lip, pulls it over the top of his head, and yells 'MORPHINE!'"

- Bill Cosby.