(apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
1. You read the newspaper to see which patient has been arrested recently.
2. Your speed-dial includes 911.
3. Your patient has no idea who the baby daddy is.
4. You see at least 1-2 patients per day who come courtesy of the county jail.
5. When you talk to your office manager about your recent surgery and you mention your prescriptions, the first words out of her mouth are "Do you know the street value of those?" And your answer is "Yes."
6. You have bullet-proof glass in the lobby's window.
7. You know the CPS workers very well.
8. You can't get ahold of your patient who tested positive for an STD - no phone and last known address is the local shelter.
9. You have "Shower upon admission" pre-printed on your L&D admit orders.
10. You know cocaine does better inductions of labor than pitocin.
11. Nothing surprises you anymore.