Nothing in the vagina, I MEAN NOTHING in the VAGINA!!!
No fingers. No tampons. No toys. And certainly, NO PENISES!!! I don't care if you are celebrating your birthday/anniversary/baby daddy's jail release/Festivus. Nothing goes up your vagina.
I don't want to hear about your baby daddy complaining that the suture from my cerclage is scratching his wee-wee. I don't want a 3 am call from the ER telling me that your vaginal cuff eviscerated and there's bowel coming out of your vagina (a mood-killer if I've ever heard of one).
Just don't. Please?