Do you think I could market this?

So after the umteenth vagitch of the day, I decided that Diflucan should be dispensed like candy. Pez candies was my inspiration...I could do a Diflucan Pez dispenser.

It needs to be anatomically correct...with the little pill coming out of the vagina. And to gulp it down, just push on the bladder for a squirt of water out of the urethra! Maybe I could put yellow food dye in there for complete accuracy...

Somehow, I don't think this would be a best-seller... ;)

Not what you want to hear

Rose was an old nurse. She had been working on L&D literally longer than I had been alive. You learned early on (if you were a smart intern) to do what she told you to do. It was just easier that way for all involved.

I'm back in the call room, relaxing. Easy call night so far, no major issues going on. I was even watching TV. Then my phone rang.

Rose knew where I was and that calling would be faster than paging. "I can't get heart tones on a 23 weeker who came in with abdominal pain."

That sentence ended that calm night. I walk the 30 yards to triage to find her, the patient and the patient's father there. I wheeled the ultrasound machine into the tiny space and plugged it in. Actually there was a heartbeat...but I couldn't quite get all of the fetus in view abdominally. The heart was basically on top of her pubic bone.

Mentally groaning, I go to check her cervix. Gloves are on and my left hand separates the labia to find...butt cheeks.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckety-fuck-fuck. My resident and the in-house attending are going to love this. Did I mention the word FUCK went through my mind? Because it did.

Wheel her back to the delivery room and page my senior resident, the attending, and NICU for delivery. Wheel her out - 23 weeks even...not even an extra day. Aint nuthin good going to come out of this.

Quick history to NICU doctor: 23 weeks, butt on perineum. And we deliver the butt, the body.......................but no head is coming.

FUCK!

Eventually, we end up cutting the cervix to allow the head to finally deliver. A live (sorta) baby. Fortunately, she died the next day.

Even if there is nothing we can do, it still sucks.

Happy 0th Birthday

Hope Mary. May you live up to your name.

Bad equation

Nauseated doctor + ((obese patient^hygiene issues)*needs a pelvic exam) = not a pretty sight.

Vacation thoughts

Things important to KIDS on vacation:
1. Hotel swimming pool
2. Hotel elevator
3. Hotel ice machine

Things important to PARENTS on vacation:
1. Local museums
2. Historical sites
3. Does the restaurant serve alcohol? (we WERE in Utah...)


Other thoughts:
The hotel bar closed at 11 pm. Last call was 10:45. :(

Damn, Utah has a lot of mountains. Here in flyover country, we're not used to drastic elevation changes! Walking SLC's zoo was a challenge - up and down and up and down... It was truly a beautiful state, even when we took a wrong turn and went down a mountain road riding the brakes as hard as we could.

The Great Salt Lake is fricken' HUGE!

Great kid quotes:
Upon hearing that the breakfast buffet was served between 6 and 9; DD said "Great cuz I'm 7!" I started crying, I was laughing so hard at that one.

Amazing article

Go here for a great link to what death and dying can mean.

As someone who has been the primary caretaker in a home hospice situation (for my father), I find these pictures beautiful and amazing.

Death is not the enemy, it is the natural consequence of living.

The OR

There is very little that compares to a good OR day. The one where every patient is thin, all of the instruments work without needing to jigger this-n-that, the anatomy is normal, and the patient has a virgin belly. You have your CD player going, you are running on time, and the conversation between the nurses, CRNA, assist, and me are teasing in nature. It is honestly a hell of a lot of fun, although it can be physically draining. And if everything goes right, the patient improves quickly post-operatively and feels much better. And THAT'S why we love to operate.

The above paragraph is a dream...most patients are fluffy (to be polite), the damn bovie machine is acting up again, we're hours behind schedule, I forgot my CDs, and conversation consists of me and the assist swearing because of distorted anatomy and our legs/back/shoulders ache. It's still a lot of fun, even when I'm bitching and moaning about why I hate vaginal surgery.

My OR day this week was more like the second day...it beat me up! But I'm still operating tomorrow...