When I say...

Nothing in the vagina, I MEAN NOTHING in the VAGINA!!!

No fingers. No tampons. No toys. And certainly, NO PENISES!!! I don't care if you are celebrating your birthday/anniversary/baby daddy's jail release/Festivus. Nothing goes up your vagina.

I don't want to hear about your baby daddy complaining that the suture from my cerclage is scratching his wee-wee. I don't want a 3 am call from the ER telling me that your vaginal cuff eviscerated and there's bowel coming out of your vagina (a mood-killer if I've ever heard of one).

Just don't. Please?

Ramblings

OB should be a happy floor.

There are a lot of whiny-ass people in this world.

Too many women have too much free time to pay attention to every drop of vaginal discharge that they make.

Blue is NOT my favorite color.

I've been working only for a few weeks and already my damned knee hurts. I still am hoping for an AKA.

I half want to strangle my daughter tonight. Am not looking forward to the teen years...

OB-GYN stages of life

Teens: Have "heavy periods" but really just want to get on the pill without Mom knowing that they are having sex.
20s: Having babies
30s: Done having babies. Want to be done with periods too.
40s. Fibroids -> menorrhagia -> hysterectomy
50s: The HOT FLASHES, OMG!!!
60s: It's falling out.

Just remembered

How goofy looking newborn babies look.

Every. Last. One.

And yes, I include my kids.