Thursday, February 28, 2013


We check pregnant patients' urine. Every. Single. Visit.

Well, some of our more stellar examples of better living through chemistry club (we have the president and the treasurer right now on our patient list) are paranoid about our intentions. I really just care about the protein and the glucose. But they are convinced we run drug screens every time we check their pee. (just as an aside, that would be too much work! plus, it's not CLIA-approved)

So yesterday, Ms. President of the Better Living Through Chemistry Club brought in her SON'S pee for us to test. It was still cold from being in her fridge!


Tuesday, February 26, 2013


My duaghter takes riding lessons. She lives for horses - most of her t-shirts have horses and/or statements relating to horses on them. Her room has horse posters up all over. I think she would be happy if I gave her horse perfume (although the rest of us might turn up our noses...).

So anyhow, today is lesson day for her. And I dutifully took her there and sat in my car and read a book.  She then reappears at the car and asks "Can you hear a baby's heartbeat?"

"Yeah, with my doppler, which is at the office."

"Can you come into the stable - we have a pregnant mare."

Evidently, I'm expanding my scope of practice.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Dear Patient,

If when I walk onto the floor, the first reaction out of the nurses and the PCTs and the HUC are "Thank GAWD you're here!", then maybe you need to tone back the bitchy.

Just sayin'.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I looooooooooove the days

When we can get high just from breathing in the office. Because today was a hygienically challenging day, so we spray Febreez in the rooms after the patient leaves.

I think several new cancers were caused today from overuse of it.

Saturday, February 2, 2013


My mother is getting frail. Mentally, she's mostly still with-it, but physically, she's on a downward slope. Modern medicine has added years to her life - the initial presentation of her cancer was a P.E. in 2009 - doubt she would have survived that 100 years ago. She has had radical surgery as well as XRT and chemo - both of which likely have added to her lifespan.

She's finally starting to realize that she likely won't be around much longer. She went to a lawyer recently and we were talking about that today. She mentioned that she wanted to donate her organs and I pointed out that cancer pretty much eliminates you as a donor. I mentioned donating her body to a medical school...she's going to be looking into that.

Not a normal conversation by any way shape or form, that's for sure.