OK, World

Can I PLEASE go just 1 week without some drama from my kids' schools? I'm really not liking these trips in. And then the ER visit either...

I really don't ask for much.

Prank

So I'm walking into the patient's room after being called in because she's ready to start pushing. Patient asks "Can I give birth in the tub?"

"That is not an option."

Turn to look at her mom, my good friend and coworker. "YOU put her up to that, didn't you?"

Whole room bursts into laughter.

I caused my friend to lose the bet - I didn't say "No fucking way."

This is why we keep doing this

Got a hug and a kiss today from a patient.

Another said "My family loved you!" She was a recent hysterectomy.

I got to hold twin A of the set that I delivered the other day. Twin B had a diaper blowout, so I declined. ;)

OMG!

I need to buy lotto tickets, because I'm living life right:

A managed medicaid approved my prior auth in the first phone call.

Booyah!

My favorite day

Thanksgiving. The name alone says it all.

I am thankful for my family. My husband is a saint for putting up with me. My kids are growing up into loving, wonderful people.

I am thankful for my friends. Girlfriends are where it's at.

I am grateful for my job - this hospital is infinitely better than my previous snakepit.

I am thankful for all of my dogs. They give unconditional love when needed.

I am thankful for the food in my tummy and the roof over my head.

I am thankful for my health.

The joy of coming back to work

I'm winning Press-Ganey over patient by patient.

No, I am NOT going to induce you at 33 weeks. Yes, I understand your back hurts. Yes, I know sleeping can be difficult. But no delivery. Nuh-nuh, no fucking way. Please go ahead and curse out my checkout staff. We love it when you do that.

No, there is no medical reason for me to place you on complete bed rest at 36 weeks. Yes, if your pregnancy is uncomplicated, I do expect you to work. And no, your complaints are typical late pregnancy complaints, there is no objective reason for you to be sitting on your ass. Thank-you for calling the patient advocate at the hospital and wasting 5 hours of my and my office manager and the VP of clinical care's time defending my medical decision making. Fuck you. And yes, if you wish to transfer, go ahead and sign the records release. They will be faxed so fast your head will spin. So sorry the hospital administration agreed with me.

Nope, not gonna prescribe percocet to you for back pain in your first trimester.

There's an old Twilight Zone episode about a guy who can see into the future and give you what you need. At first, it seems weird - a shoe or a pair of scissors. Who wants that? That is a part of my job - I should give you what you need, not necessarily what you want.

For my Dad, Grandfathers, and uncles...