Rules to live by

1. If you have been given information from your doctor, please oh PLEASE READ IT!!! I'm not killing trees for nothing here.

2. Do NOT have me paged at 3 am for information that is in the papers we give you. See rule number one.

3. Do not have me paged at 3 am for information that we have given you on the DAY YOU HAVE AN 8:00 APPOINTMENT WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See rules number one and two.

4. Since we live in a small town with no 24 hour pharmacy, I really don't need to be paged at 4 am about your bladder infection. Really. You won't be able to pick anything up before 9 am, so you might as well let me sleep until a reasonable hour.

5. If you call often enough that I know your home number, you might want to think about calling less often. It's bad when I ask the answering service "Is she at ABC-DEFG?" and the answer is "Yes."

6. Do not page me at midnight to let me know that your period has started. I don't care.

7. If you go to an urgent-care clinic, and the next week when I ask you why, please know the reason.

8. My fingers are likely smaller than a baby. Quit whining about checks.

9. No, pregnancy is NOT a reason to be off-work. I was pregnant when I was a resident, so quite frankly, I'm less than sympathetic.

10. Just because you're tired of being pregnant doesn't mean that I'll induce you when you show up at L&D for the 4th time this week. And why, oh why do you insist on showing up at 1 am?

Sad thing is, there are reasons why these rules exist. :) Heck, number 6 has even happened twice to me. :( Number ten, more times than I can count.