Sunday, October 18, 2009

You know you work at a clinic when...

(apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

1. You read the newspaper to see which patient has been arrested recently.
2. Your speed-dial includes 911.
3. Your patient has no idea who the baby daddy is.
4. You see at least 1-2 patients per day who come courtesy of the county jail.
5. When you talk to your office manager about your recent surgery and you mention your prescriptions, the first words out of her mouth are "Do you know the street value of those?" And your answer is "Yes."
6. You have bullet-proof glass in the lobby's window.
7. You know the CPS workers very well.
8. You can't get ahold of your patient who tested positive for an STD - no phone and last known address is the local shelter.
9. You have "Shower upon admission" pre-printed on your L&D admit orders.
10. You know cocaine does better inductions of labor than pitocin.
11. Nothing surprises you anymore.


WarmSocks said...

That is so sad.

Mr. Condescending said...

You have to put the IV in between their toes!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I was on OB call over Thanksgiving during my 3rd year of medical school. I remember this pregnant prisoner who repeatedly masturbated to induce contractions so that she wouldn't be taken back to jail.

ER's Mom said...

Yeah, I forgot the "get out of jail free card" of "I think I'm in labor!"

Dragonfly said...

All except for #4 are true where I am. If there was a jail that was less than 5 hours drive away #4 would also be true.

ER's Mom said...

WarmSocks, you're right it is sad. And I would bet that every single doc who works in a similar setting could come up with a list similar in fashion.

I also forgot to add the joy of being call a white honky bitch because I'm running behind. Or because I won't give out narcs.